Friday, December 16, 2011

Cute headbands for sale as support! Give AND get!

A dear friend of mine, Bree Crump, has offered to supply my fundraising efforts with her artistic expertise! The headbands pictured below are part of a line she has created EXCLUSIVELY for my fundraising efforts this year!

Check these out . . .




(My precious niece, Nila Blue, modeling Aunt Bee's headbands!)
 

(My friend, Danya Collyer, wearing her headband pick proudly!)

More pieces in this line will be developed as time progresses! Bree is a talented lady and would be happy to create pieces to your specifications (colors, etc...).
 
I have a few headbands available locally to Pensacolians or Breezers for $12 each but you may also order via Bree's Etsy store linked above! BE SURE to let her know that you wish to order a piece in support of my fundraising efforts this year!
 
 
 
What a blessing true friends are!

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Thankful November: remaining thankful

Dear readers . . .

The last few days have led me to this post. Thankfulness, as a state of mind. A lifestyle of gratitude. I know not much of this but all of its' beauty I wish to intake and therefore portray. I like to think about the way that something framed and hanging on a wall coerces us to view it over and over again, for the hundredth time in a day and not grow weary of its' image. However, many things in this life become hum drum and even wearisome. What is the difference? Why do we dig back in our memories, while flipping through a photo album many times a year . . . where is our vigor to repeat our daily routines with nostalgia and gratefulness? Where does the mystery lie? In the designation of splendor, I do believe.

A framed wall hanging has been designated "Special" . . . worthy of our glance or even stare.

Every day is an opportunity to glance . . . stare . . . at God's handiwork in our lives. And to be grateful. His message to us in the business is to pass not by a day without remaining thankful for all it holds. Have we not become stronger because of the burdens we once carried? Do we not know more now that we have lost sight, wandered for a while, and yet returned? Can we now love more because of the losses we have hated to remember? This is a gift.

This day, the last day in November, 2011 . . . this Wednesday, is a gift. I am thankful for Monday's New Mercies, Tuesday's mini muffins, and Wednesday's lessons learned. But mostly, as I close this months' blog theme, I am ever so thankful that I have the deep need to remain thankful all year long. It's for my health, spiritual, mental, emotional, and even physical. It's for my joy. That it might be full. It's for my focus. That it might remain on things above. And it's for my love. That it might be far reaching and unconditional because of Christ and the blessings from His sacrifice.

I want to be thankful for one more specific thing before I close out this post.

I am grateful this Thankful November, for my mama.


Lynne Clement has been my mother for over 27 years (including womb time, lol) and this time of year, long ago, she was wishing that I would make my exit out into the world. Little did she know that I would be a total o 3 1/2 weeks late. Phew! I started my life giving my mother heck. haha! I have tried my best not to continue. She loves God. She loves her daughters. She loves people as family. She inspires, desires, presses through, and makes the best of everything. God made her solid and yet lovely. She never gives up. Thank you mama for your love and support, yes. But mainly . . .thank you, mama, for being you. You are LOVED.!

Proverbs 31:18 "Her children rise up, and call her blessed..."

If my mother has impacted your life in some way . . . send her a note, a message, an e-mail, or give her a call. She's done so much for so many . . .I encourage you to encourage her! She would never ask for it. That is why I do :)

Monday, November 28, 2011

Thankful November: Days 20-27 (Phew, what a week!)



Day 20: Peg Leg Petes
One of my favorite restaurants of all time is our Pensacola classic, Peg Leg Petes! If you LOVE seafood but have a lot of folks around you regularly that don't care for it, the restaurant of choice is rarely seafood . . . you pretty much go with the majority, you know? Therefore, I never eat seafood, one of my favorites!!

When Jaami and Tato come to town, we eat seafood :)


Now, I'm very grateful for Jaami and Tato, don't get me wrong but on Sunday, I was super grateful for Peg Leg Petes (The restaurant, not the man. Although, if the man originally was responsible for opening the restaurant than I'm grateful for him as well). One of the reasons is the actual food. It's delish!
My lunch: Raw oysters! Tabasco sauce, on a cracker, and with the coctail and horsradish mixed together to top it off . . . oh yeah :))) Grouper nuggets and old fashioned french fries, along with about 15 coke refills, lol, I was good to go!
Another reason is because it now holds a heap of good memories. Just knowing you're going there will put you in a good mood! Large enough booths to hold the lot of us and if we need two booths . . . great! The more the merrier!

(Laps in writing) . . .

Days 21-27 are quite a blur as I look back but I will attempt to be clearly heartfelt . . . each day deserved its' own exclamation of gratefulness. No doubt. Best week ever :)

This past week left me thankful for . . .

Consistent work, the sharing of lives, the provision of food, dining together, creativity, pinterest, & working together to achieve something incredible, the marriage union, and Moses (my car that took me to Jax & back in one days' time!).

At this time, I will journal a bit instead of making lists. It works better with my Monday morning heart. Also, this is a good time to say that I most likely will never do a monthly theme that must be posted about every day. It stresses me out! I am not a fan of having a required post in my blog every day, especially subject to a theme. It limits my creative or inspired capabilities and it only becomes humdrum to my senses. Lesson learned! Haha!

My heart has been filled to over-flowing because of the happenings of this last week! "Happenings" would include tasks, events, conversations, and the presence of people I love in close proximity.

My 4 sisters and I CHERISH our time together. For many years, we were deprived of this joy and now I feel the need (as do they I'm sure) to cram as much of it into a holiday week as possible! We would of course love to enjoy more time together throughout the year but living in separate locations and building separate lives in the directions of our individual giftings and purposes in this world, does not allow us that luxury. Time and monetary needs for the capability of such moments more often, are just not available for our convenience. So we make the most of every second we get. I know I do. Every minute must be made to feel like an hour and having an entire week almost was more than I could have dreamed for. Tori was a little late on the arrival, as she pursued her new adventure in VA but as soon as I saw her face down the airport tunnel . . . I felt as if our world was being made right. Though brief still, Thanksgiving 2011 was as perfect at this world produces. People disagreed, made plans without notice, arrived late to functions, and even squabbled at the Thanksgiving table (I'm human, okay?!!) . . . and in each of those times I was reminded that we are a family. An imperfect unit designed by God for His glory. I believe that in our efforts to be grateful this year, we were able to lift Him up in a way that left Him smiling at our human antics. I know He's a fan of LMFAO and certainly not because of the acronym. haha. But because of the way it has brought the Clement 5 (plus Nila Blue!) together to make memories that will last until we can no longer "Wop," "Wobble," or "Shuffle."

We pray that day never comes :)

I am so grateful for my bro in-laws! They are wonderful and the three of them added so much to our Thanksgiving this year. Actually, they just add a lot to our family in general. I wouldn't want to go back to all girls, the boys add the perfect balance to our mostly feminine presence. Thanks to the boys . . . you are LOVED..

Another holiday with Maw maw was precious. She even said so as we told what we were thankful for around the "Family Time" table! She said that she was thankful to spend another year with us, being thankful. We all heartily agreed. She's been through a lot this year and we all recognize the limit of her life more than we ever have. Blessings I pray for Maw maw . . . may she live in our Lord's care and may she see another thankful year! 93, here she comes!!

My Mimi traveled all the way from St. Pete (driving!) to spend Thanskgiving week with us! It was such an awesome time spent with her . . . mostly the chatting and the many hugs! She is a wildwoman and I love it! By "wild" I mean that she is different. I like different. For example . . . the server at Peg Legs was stressed to the max and stressing us out too. She stopped him, clapped her hands together and told him to take 3 deep breaths (in the most gracious, southern bell voice I've ever heard from her mouth!). He did. The whole meal turned around :)

My mom. Wow. What is there really to say. She is awesome! I may need to spend one of my last Thankful November days, strictly on the presentation of my deep spirit of gratefulness for her.  . . I think I will. Love you mom, you rocked this last week! I could see it in your eyes . . . the love for your daughters and son in-laws, grand-babies and life/people in general. What a fabulous example of God's grace you are to all men. Blessed and thankful.

Well, I could go on but I won't. I need to post about World Race and there are still a couple of days to go until Thankful November comes to a close. Only a couple! Praise the Lord for His continued presence and faithfulness to His children!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Thankful November: The command to "Go"

Day 19: The command to "Go"

 

 Matthew 28:18-20

King James Version (KJV for an obvious reason, check it out!)

18And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.
19Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:
20Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.

Thankful November: Days 17 & 18

My heart is FILLED with thankfulness this evening!

Day 17: Surprises


     Have I ever expressed my great enthusiasm over surprises on "My story, His story" before? I don't think I have! Either way, let me now say to you . . . I LOVE SURPRISES!! Surprises have sparked some of my favorite memories from my childhood, teen, and young adult life! God has a way of speaking a little bit of His love for me via surprises. It's hard to explain but I'll try.

A surprise feels like a whisper in my ear.

     The whisper is sudden, loving, and filled with enthusiasm! The whisper is really a loud cry from loved ones in a darkened room, a gift left unattended on my front step, a message in my inbox of uncertain expression . . . something unexpected. Something divine. An act of love from the Father of lights, through His people, and into the well spring of my soul. Have I mentioned that I love surprises? lol.


Day 18: Grandmothers



(Top: Maw maw . . . Bottom: Mimi)


     One of my grandmothers arrived in town tonight from her home in St. Petersburg. Hence the recognition of such gratefulness. Her name . . . at least to me, is "Mimi." Her actual name, Lois Anne Carr, is very similar to my own and often she has referred to me as, "Little LA." I always enjoy this spoken expression of her care and even pride over my presence in her lineage.

     My other grandmother, "Maw maw" or Gera Maxine Blalock, is my hometown hero. She lives and ages in Pensacola, where I currently reside. How precious she is. She is the epitome of a "Matriarch" and could never see a beggar continue to beg.

     My grandmothers are both "Southern Ladies" and know how to make someone feel welcome and comfortable into their home or even  presence. Both of my grandmothers are hilarious. Each in their own way of course. My "Mimi" is lovely, quirky, and all together fabulous! My "Maw maw" is gracious, giving, and retains an heir of elegance, even at 92. Blessed am I to follow the footsteps of such women of valour. A terrific heritage. I am grateful.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

5 more days of Thankful November




To backtrack . . . I have 5 specific things to be grateful for this Thankful November:


1. Patience.


     We joke around a lot about praying for patience and how that's like a superstitious jinks or something. Well, I have yet to pray that prayer and yet opportunities to be an example of God's patient spirit have presented themselves daily during Thankful November. Have I succeeded every time, DEFINITELY not. BUT GOD in His grace has given me yet another chance to try.

     Having said that, I believe I have needed those around me to display an unusually great amount of patience with me this month as well! It's kind of becoming a theme. One that I hope won't continue into Merry December :) 

2. Hang out time 


     I have been especially grateful the last few days for precious "hang out" time spent with special people in my life. I have a feeling that as the holidays approach, I will experience this gratitude over and over. My love language is unquestionably "Quality Time" and nothing fills my "love tank" like a good heartfelt chat with a little laughter . . . okay, a LOT of laughter :) 

3. Blockbuster 


     For one reason, because Thanksgiving/Christmas movies just warm my heart! Favorite one recently . . . "An Old Fashioned Thanksgiving" (Little Women"esc"). Sitting around a heartfelt, family friendly, holiday movie really brings folks together.


     For reason number two . . . Well, some of you will know and most will have to just wonder ;) 

4. Space savers 


     As I helped Tori and Justin pack last night (until the wee hours of the morning), I could not have been more grateful for anything than I was of those nifty space saver bags! I had a great time (deliriously of course) sitting on them until they had as little air as possible left in them. What an awesome packing tool! Wish I had owned some of those this summer when I moved my entire life from Orlando to Pensacola in one trip . . . Props to the Elantra Touring . . . Aka MOSES!!

5. The knowledge that I will see you again 


     I am grateful for this very specific thing because I know that as surely as the miles shall separate me from those I love as time progresses . . . I am confident that one day, here or there, earth or heaven, I have the promise of seeing my brothers and sisters in Christ again. PTL! Saying "see ya later" doesn't feel like loss when I build that feeling on the truth that is God's Word and the proof that is in the pudding :)


As I continue to show thanks this month, please feel free to comment and tell me what you are thankful for . . . Even that very day!  

Blessings!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Thankful November: Day 10 & . . . 11/11/11

On day 10:

I was thankful for a specific tree . . . this tree is special because every time I pass by it I look at it. You know, something that just never changes in my life. How special that tree is to me. Sometimes change is good but when it seems to all happen at the same time, it can be quite overwhelming. I love my leaning tree on Spanish Trail Rd. in Pensacola, FL. If somebody tried to cut it down, I might just climb it like good ol' Butterfly did and not come down until they put away the chainsaw! Just sayin'!!



Today, 11/11/11:

I am so very grateful for the acoustic guitar. Random? Probably to you but if you are at all like me, somebody picking one of these babies up just makes you smile from ear to ear like all in the world is momentarily right. The sound of it's strum . . . and even the squeak of the slide across its' string makes me wonder why in the world I ever worry. I consider this to be one of God's gifts to me tor remind me that He is the great I AM.

"Whooh."


Psalm 69:30 (NAS) I will praise the name of God with song, And shall magnify Him with thanksgiving

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Thankful November: Days 7, 8, & 9

Okay, so it's obvious that I stink at keeping up with a blog every day :)

On day 7 I was thankful for: Faith


Yes, I have a friend named "Faith" and she is awesome. But she reminded me of the "Faith" I have in Christ to do His work, in all situations. He never grows weary as Isaiah tells us and I'm very, very grateful for that this November.

On day 8 I was thankful for: New beginnings


Big ones, like my move away from college and even more so when I moved home to Pensacola but also for the ways in which we have the option to begin anew each and every day. I am especially grateful that even though a single day may begin in a rough way, God gives me the opportunity to turn to Him in my frustration, regroup and be refreshed in His goodness to finish the day out. Thankful am I for new beginnings, however big or small.

Today, day 9, I am thankful for: My new Nephew


My sister Jaami and brother in-law Tato, announced that their baby is a little BOY . . . yes, you read that right! We will actually have a little boy in our family very soon :) What a precious miracle. Girl or boy we would have been thrilled (we've grown kind of fond of the female gender) but a boy is something new for all of us to grasp. I can already just imagine how spoiled this young man will be . . . and rightly so. Now I have the coolest niece in the world and a baby nephew that I couldn't love more :)

Thankful November is off to an eventful start . . . I can't imagine the awesome things that will happen throughout this month. I remain grateful.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Thankful November: LIFE - LOVE - FAMILY

Thankful November - Days 4, 5, & 6:


LIFE - LOVE - FAMILY 









Over the past three days, there has been a great deal of sorrow, mixed with celebration. Quite the emotional roller-coaster! Thankfully, my dizziness is almost completely gone. Praise the Lord! With that gratefulness proclaimed, my dear Mrs. Sue's death was soon followed by hard work in preparing my company dancers for their first performance of the year at the Pensacola Arts Festival. In the midst of the hours spent in this manner, my brother in law earned his wings as a Naval Aviation Pilot! Woot woot! His family flew in and together with mine, we celebrated his great achievement with much merriment! Friday was followed by Saturday, the day of the performance, and it went incredibly! Yet ANOTHER celebration! Blessings abound.

As the performance ended and congratulations had been spoken, I ran (literally) to my car and zoomed off to pack for my trip out of town. I arrived for Mrs. Sue's funeral only 15 minutes early and realized that I might need help to progress to the door. All of the distractions had accomplished something great, to keep my mind from the realization of what I was about to experience until I arrived at the church's front door. Two friends helped me in, one to quickly follow and with arms wrapped around and sincere grief, combined with gratitude, we wept. Silent weeping that was gut wrenching but phenomenally pure and easing of my troubled spirit. We were all in one accord. What a great and godly lady. Though tears abound, a celebration was extended for all present. We expressed our love from the pulpit and the pew, all in our own little ways.

The funeral came to a close, along with the need to weep. I was thankful. My best friend ushered me to her car and we went and did something I hadn't felt as if I would be able to do for weeks . . . we ate. A calzone, somehow, was the perfect solace to the ache of my weary body. A few cokes later and we were off for the last portion of saying goodbye. Thanks to my dear friend Keri, I was able to walk the path to the counseling room that changed my life forever almost five years ago and truly say "see ya later" in my heart. I had to see the place where it all started, where the relationship began. Amen.

I was soon greeted by a face I had not seen in years, my old friend K-Ross! We laughed, hugged, and then she said she had to go get a coat because she was freezing . . . some things never change. Hm. I like that. The rest of the evening was truly grand in many ways. I receive so much joy from watching others accomplish new things . . . I can't really express it other than to say that I simply cannot keep from smiling ear to ear, while watching. Beauty abounds. The show choir at my old college performed last night and watching my friends and even my "kids" from last semester sing, dance, and stretch themselves in confidence . . . ooh! It just gives me chills! I was especially proud of my dear Amber. She has come out of so much and has become so much and more :) My lovely friend Faith was a hoot to watch and again I was reminded how truly gifted/talented my friends are. My night ended late with a great time of dancing and laughter with a few friends, new and old.

Today I don't feel very well, a little troubled, a little morose, and even a little yucky. BUT GOD is so real to me in this moment. Heaven has become a legitimate place in my mind as never before. Family and friends . . . well, they're just a gift. Hugs. Hugs abound. Sometimes we lose family. Sometimes we lose friends. Whether through death or just life. It happens. How shall we live from that moment. Succumbed by our sorrow? Drowning in our anxiety? Or do we Move Forward. Love generously. Celebrate life. Remain grateful for the bond of family. I choose these.

My sister, a life-long best friend, is moving away with her husband this coming weekend. He is being stationed in VA and it feels very far away. I knew we would all grow up and I also knew in my heart of hearts that none of us would remain all that close in proximity BUT GOD is our rock, our refuge and strength and He is the greatest tie that binds. LOVE abounds. I will miss my sister as I have and will miss my others when we are apart. This week we will pack, love, hug, cry a little, rejoice for the time we have been given, and then Move Forward. This is the theme of 2011, no doubt.  

I won't write this long of a post for each day of this month but today I wanted to sum up a very important combination of grateful feelings within the story of my weekend. GRACE abounds.  

This November I am THANKFUL for LIFE, LOVE, and FAMILY . . . Among so many other things :)

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Thankful November - Day 3: "Earth Angel"





This Thursday I am thankful but in an unexpected way. Continuing Thankful November may be harder than first thought:




This earth lost a woman of great worth today for heaven has claimed its' prize. A true earth angel. Sue Gilbert slipped from life to eternal life today and found herself looking into the face of the man she's known so well. Never have I ever experienced death so closely before and never will a woman that has been so alive be thought of as dead to me. She is still alive, alive with Christ forever.

Tears slide down my face as I type these thankful words because my heart is simultaneously experiencing the balance of sorrow and delight. I am so powerfully grateful, beyond words I do confess, to have met Mrs. Sue Gilbert. Now I can go on and say that to have just met her would be worthy of a post all of its' own. But so much more was experienced across a desk, a dinner table, a love seat . . . That I . . . I struggle to find the few words that are needed to fill this blog post space. You don't want to read forever but my thankfulness to God for this lady would definitely last forever long.  

She was my counselor

Put simply, my family would not have the anticipation rising of another Thanksgiving spent together, if it weren't for my Mrs. Sue. To save the confidentiality necessary, I will leave my heart's cry there. Thankful. This Thanksgiving, the Blalocks, Clements, Samalas, Palacios, Caigles, and Siddalls should all live in one accord, grateful for Mrs. Sue and the blessing of freedom she brought us by way of her gift of counseling. God's gift in her.  

As for me personally, well I don't mind sharing a little. She changed my life. Well, Christ through her. I went from being a shell of who I was meant to be to who I am today . . . Faulty on my own but pursuing Christ and His story for me and therefore thriving! Sure, bad days, weeks, even months but God is my hope, my refuge, and the only One Who is worthy of my greatest affection and allegiance and in Him do I trust to get me through the good, the bad, the ugly, and even the really ugly. He used Mrs. Sue to show me that I have a future. That I am not owned by any earthly being but by Christ. Because of Mrs. Sue, I learned to break free from the bondage of pleasing and to see myself as a beautiful daughter of an all powerful and yet graceful King. She taught me as many times as it took for me to learn. So much patience. The subject that took the longest was the fact that Jesus had already paid the price for my wrong doings and short comings. I no longer needed to. No need to punish myself for my misdeeds or others' towards me. I am not perfect because of Mrs. Sue. I know I don't have to be perfect because of Mrs. Sue. Praise God! 

I saw her change many lives. As my life and a few of the closest around me's lives were changed by visiting her office once (sometimes twice) a week, I spread the word. If you need to cry . . . Go see Mrs. Sue. If you need to laugh . . . Go see Mrs. Sue. If you think you have too many issues . . . Go see Mrs. Sue. If you don't want to deal with your issues . . . For heaven's sake, GO SEE MRS. SUE!!! And cry you would, no matter how bravely you entered her door. There was just something about her face that made you say, "Okay, here's a safe place." Laugh, yes you CERTAINLY did! I was thinking about that earlier, smiling just a little. The woman truly opened up the door to laughter for me again. I know she did this for others too. Laughter is such good medicine and I believe she prescribed it in heavy doses. I smile now when I think of her. Right now, I'm smiling.  

One of the reasons she was so trusted as a counselor, was because she was authentic. Authenticity was all she knew. There were no pretenses. She was Mrs. Sue. The end. She made no apology for who she was but then again, she didn't need to. I told my friend Keri a few minutes after she went to heaven that I thought Mrs. Sue probably fits in there more than she did here. She was a little weird for this earth. Was she perfect? No way. She'd tell you that in about 2 seconds. Again, she knew she didn't have to be. That knowledge is powerful when seeking a holy life. Your weakness is just made perfect . . . Well, you know. 

She was my family 

After I moved to college, there was a season where I was only in contact with my mom. That's it. No other family members. Most because of my lack of gumption (that would follow after counseling of course!) and three because of extenuating circumstances. I soon would know family community again but for that short season, I was almost alone on this earth. There were many who stepped into the role of family in that needed time. Mrs. Sue was one of them. She became the Grandmother I had not been allowed to have. She became the mom for the 6 days a week that mine couldn't be. She became the sisters, that I missed so desperately. Mrs. Sue knows all my secrets and to heaven they have all been taken. Not just because she was my counselor but also because she was family and one of my dearest friends . . .  

She was one of my very best friends 

Oh, how I miss her right now. Already and she's only been gone from this earth for mere hours. She knows my secrets, yes. She was a light in a dark time, yes. She LOVED. me for who I was, no matter what state I was in. And then there's my love for her . . . Oh goodness, I could go on and on.  

I love the way her eyes twinkled 

Her smile was ravishing and her make-up almost always perfect, which made me chuckle through many conversations involving tears. Her love for people was astounding and her need to champion them, inspiring. Her arms were beautiful. She hugged so well. Her thoughts so intelligent. No one could have thought as far reaching into the mind of a person, without throwing a curve ball of judgment as she could. The way that she was gifted in her communication was just plain ridiculous. She could tell a person that they were prideful and somehow keep them in their chair for another hour, as they poured their heart out to her in their need. Not many can do that, even counselors. She was a gift. Bottom line. The woman was a saint. Yes, I looked up to her. Can you tell? Haha. 

Her talks were enlightening, encouraging, uplifting, bewildering, challenging, and all together lovely to enjoy. I loved her. I love her.  

She was my mentor 

I want to be stinkin' just like her! Well, my own form of her anyway (she would be frustrated to hear me want to repeat who she was . . . She didn't think overly highly of herself, just highly enough to be confident in sharing her life with others, knowing Christ had redeemed her). When I didn't know what to do, she gave me options, when I told her I wasn't ready, she mentioned sweetly that I was already doing it and didn't know. After I offered excuses for my poor behavior, one look told me she had already moved on and so should I. She lent me an ear and then told me where to go to find the answer. . . She sent me to Jesus. Always. She prayed with me and those are the sweetest times.  

If I can attempt to live as half of the woman that she was on this earth, I have achieved much. Unfortunately, attempting to achieve greatness was not what she did so therefore I have already fallen short. She would just tell me to live "called out" and to not give up on loving, living, laughing, dreaming, praying, being, and seeing what God's will was as I walked in light of His steps.  

I will miss her

I've never experienced loss so closely before, as I mentioned at the top of this post. I feel as if my lungs have been sucked of all their air. I feel helplessly lost in my heart's pounding rhythm. I have concerned myself with the feeling that I might unravel upon her death. Like my victories shall crumble as her life passes on to the next eternal. This is unrealistic considering my knowledge that God used Mrs. Sue as an instrument of His power and that HE will remain in me. I know this. I still felt the fear. That fear has passed with her. Seriously though, I feel odd and shaky and I have wondered what I might do tomorrow in light of her passing so many times tonight that my head can't stand the thought even once more. Nothing seems worthy of the honor in which I wish to bestow her. My grief has brought me to two places. This blog post. And my dance. I will dance for her. Tomorrow, I will pick myself out of the bed oh so early to take Malli to school and then I will dance. I will throw what I could do before work aside and I will choreograph SOMETHING in her honor. It's the best gift I have to give.   

The end of my post will be my words of Gratefulness to God for Mrs. Sue Gilbert. Forgive me for my lack of eloquence in this post. It's raw. My heart is raw. If you chose to read it anyway, all the way to here, you may just feel raw too. Just in case you are wondering, I was able to spend time with her in July, look her in the eyes as we exchanged meaningful, lasting words, and then enjoyed phone calls since then, including one with her only a few days ago where we did much the same thing. I am blessed. There was warning. Some never get that and so I am thankful once again for something else in this sad night. A little more time. 

"God! My heart hurts so badly. I can't believe she's gone. Selfishly, I just want her here. BUT GOD . . . You wanted her with You. And that was the best plan. She's with you now. She's happy. She's healthy. She sees Your face. She's worshiping you as only she could. She's walking the streets of gold. She's received her crown. She's feasting! Maybe her favorite part! Haha! God how could I ever thank you enough for blessing my life with being a part of hers. A very small part. You ordained our meeting 5 years before you would take her home. I almost missed her but not really, it was all part of Your plan. Thank you. I love her so much. I'm crying because I won't see her or hear her voice for possibly a long time and that makes me sad. BUT GOD . . . I will see her again. Thank You for that too. May my life be a reflection of Who You are by way of living out her example to me. May the words she spoke into my ears continue to reverberate. May my desire to bring to fruition all of the dreams we discussed be renewed by every passing day. May you accomplish in me all of the things she believed in me. She saw what Your plan for me is and even though she may not have known that she wouldn't see it accomplished with earthly eyes, she knew that you finish what You start and that this was only the beginning of the story that is yet to be told. Keep writing and I'll keep telling and I don't know if you do this but if so, tell my Mrs. Sue that I'm proud of her. I miss her and that I can't wait to see her again. I'll make her proud as I make You proud. That's all she ever wanted of me. To see more and more of You in me. I love you God and I can't wait to see how this story ends. You are good.  Amen." 

Special condolences to the Gilbert & Camps, along with other close friends and family. My heart is with you now. 

To Mrs. Sue . . .

A wobbly smile and a BIG "See ya later."
You are LOVED. by me, forever and always.








Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Thankful November

This November brings me the kind of excitement that only the month of November can and with that excitement also comes the reality of my gratefulness for this season I am richly blessed to live in.

For the entire month of November . . . I will attempt to be grateful every day. lol.

And since I have already failed my Thankful November blog series by missing day 1 . . . I shall give thee a double dose of my grateful heart! Feel blessed as I do :)

Day 1. Laughter

Laughter is medicine. Amen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p32OC97aNqc












Day 2. Forgiveness

Forgiveness is better. Better than hate. Better than bitterness . . .and for me this November, better than resentment. I choose firgiveness. I have already been shown it. Amen.




See you tomorrow for day 3 of Thankful November . . . THANKS for stopping by :)

Friday, October 28, 2011

dizzy days







This weekend approaches quickly and I feel as if I have lost all control.

Last Sunday I began to feel dizzy. I had experienced this sensation a couple of times beginning back in early August but not as severely as this current time. In weeks and months prior, the dizziness was gone within a day or two. My mom mentioned that it was probably a virus or something and just needed to be slept through. So I would just lay around (Not easy for me to do, although I'm better about it than I used to be) until I felt relief. This time was different. The dizziness was not just me spinning while the world stood still but instead began with the room around me, along with all of it's contents and I was the last to feel the movement. In other words, everything was spinning. I had no control. No longer could I hold on to the wall beside me because that darn wall was spinning too!

Two days later, with dizziness as my only symptom, my mom and I headed off to Urgent Care. I don't have insurance at the moment so doctor's visits are out of the question until it's a "have to" situation. This was a definite "have to." 4 1/2 hours later (Not too bad for a ER visit but still a long time in the middle of the week, when my mom has to be up at 5 and back at the hospital for work), I was sent home with a prescription for a heavy duty Dramamine like medication and the good word that my cat scan had returned negative and that my blood-work was almost perfect. Anything life-threatening was tossed off the list of causes. Amen.

I rode home in the passenger seat, thankful I would live to see my 27th birthday, be it spinning as it could be, and for a mother who took hours of her life midweek to sit next to my bed as the nurses prodded with my veins four times before they found a worthy one for lab work. I was thankful also that the IV had given me enough electrolytes and hydration that I was experiencing a little relief from my spinning world. Nothing was solved though and this bothered me. I would still be reeling tomorrow, unless there was a miracle.

For those of you that don't know or simply need a reminder, I have been blessed with two jobs since moving to Pcola, I am a nanny for a 3 month old little boy a couple of days a week and I Instruct dance and coach tumbling at a local community center 3 nights a week as well. I LOVE my jobs. I was scared of the baby at first, especially him being a boy and me having grown up with 4 sisters . . . but that's a whole different topic. I LOVE my jobs. To get paid to love on a child and to minister to the heart of the little dancer/gymnast every day, it feels like a dream.

Now that you're caught up, you can imagine the terror in my heart of being severely dizzy. Vertigo, as I was informed that I have, is not something to play around with. This would include driving, moving, shifting weight, not to mention pirouettes, cartwheels and back handsprings, even spotting is dangerous for me and the tumbler with my head feeling so weird. Frustrated. Out of control. As much as I would like to say that my attitude stayed positive as a person of hope's attitude should, It hasn't. I've been miserable. I've prayed and prayed and prayed for the Lord to keep my mind selfless and my mouth filtered but the lack of control in my every day life by this physical impairment, brought me to my wits end. Coming into this weekend, I feel less worthy to be called a child of God than I have in a long time. My peace is shaken, my heart angry, and my love for others AND MYSELF limited.

You know it's when I can't see that I am most dissatisfied? I become extremely irritated with everything and everyone in my life (as if it's their fault!) simply because I am unclear as to what is going on and/or how to fix it. I feel off track. Life becomes all about me and I am left sinking into guilt and shame for my attitude and actions. Fits of anger inward or outward fall underneath the category of sin. This is confession. This is hopefully relatable. And this post, in all of it's ugliness, is not without hope. I am reminded in the stillness of the coming weekend that I need none but Jesus. My friend sent me the Christy Nockels' song day before yesterday that is entitled "None but Jesus" and it really has been a good reminder today as I have sat in my shame that when my eyes begin to look around and feel lost in the swimming world surrounding me, that there is One that never moves. There is One constant. There is only One to fully trust and that One is Jesus.

This world is fickle and my lack of ability to control it or even me sometimes can create in me, if allowed, the idea that all is lost . . . when in fact, nothing has changed. I can easily forget the awesome prognosis that I'm not going to die because my dizziness is a sign of something worse. Instead, if I can look to God and say, "I can't even see Lord so please . . . lead me," the refreshment of my weary soul shall come. My joy is not built on my atmosphere or my ability to make things happen. My joy is built by God's presence in me. His hope. His future. His love. His CLEAR vision of what was, what is, and what is to come. Trust. I must trust. He will not force me to do so but has and will show me that I can.

This time I stumbled before I fell into His arms. Next time maybe, just maybe . . . I'll look up first.


"I love you Lord and I'm so sorry that I forget that you've got this life and that You've never let me go. May my mind stay on the task at hand, to serve you with everything I have and am, vision or no vision . . . hearing or no hearing . . . because you are worthy and have called me to do more than think about me. I am not always capable but you always are. I humbly bow down again and surrender it all to you. Amen."


Have you been like me lately, feeling frustrated, confused, or even lost in the midst of your temporary trial? Share with me, I'd love to hear how God is working in your life to turn this trial into an obstacle for growth. Blessings!


“The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:3

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. Selah. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah. Psalm 46:1-3,7

‘Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10

I have set the Lord continually before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. Psalm 16:8 (AMP)

Sunday, October 23, 2011

"Can You hear me now?"





Two friends of mine and I have recently been discussing communication with God. Ours with Him, yes, but mainly His towards us. His voice. His leading. His direction in our lives. Much like my two friends, I recently went through a very long season (that seemed even longer than long) of feeling strongly that God wasn't speaking to me. That I had become lost in His silence. It was a miserable place, a sad existence to endure. Life wasn't tragic, I continued to be blessed with His provision and even with His grace made evident every day but I felt Him as distant, almost hidden from me. The longer the seemingly silent God was, the more desperate I became to hear His voice again.  

DESPERATE is the word that one of my friends and I came up with as the only appropriate one to accurately describe our spiritual/emotional states during this long season. I really never felt as if God wasn't listening to me. I never felt that God didn't care . . . I just wanted to hear Him speak as I so often had in the past. Loud and clear or even in just a whisper. Where was He? Why could I not hear His voice. Was He talking and I just couldn't hear Him for one reason or another . . . or was it that He wasn't speaking at all? 

As I've discussed this with my friends, we have decided one thing for sure that we had in common during this long season of silence . . . we struggled to believe that it wasn't our fault. Let me explain. When you can't hear God's voice and feel alone to walk the earth, naturally you might think two things as the possible reasons for the lack of communication:  

1. He is speaking but I can't hear Him. 2. He's not speaking. 

There are two reasons why each of these could be the case:  

1. I have sin in my life that is hindering my reception. 2. It's not time for me to hear whether He's speaking currently or just waiting to speak.  

With any of these options that I tumbled around in my mind/heart for months, I became irritated with myself and with God, depending on which thought I had landed on for that day. Part is self condemning and the other, a doubt of my Sustainer. I often decided to go with the self condemnation for the purpose of me being in error instead of my perfect God. The frustrating part was that I was seeking. It wasn't like I had wandered off from God's apparent will and therefore it made sense that I was the one to blame. There was a desire for obedience in my heart and there wasn't some daunting sin in my life that I knew needed to be surrendered. My daily Bible intake was more than ever! I was ready and willing . . .and yet He still left me seeking Him.

There was another annoying part to that long season that is kind of hard to admit to . . . while I couldn't hear a single word from God, it seemed as if everyone around me was proclaiming the presence of His voice and direction in their lives, trampsing around, filled with abundant joy over His workings and the great things He was "calling" them to do! What in the world? Why not me?!!! Can I get a witness here? Can anyone relate? Frustrating. I wanted to be happy for them . . . and really I was. But selfishly . . . I don't know, I felt left out. So I kept seeking.

I look back on that long season (now having entered a season of God SHOUTING at me), as the long season of me seeking the voice of my God with everything I was.  

Even upon typing that last sentence I smile . . . isn't He so very precious to want me to seek Him? To long for my attention? He is jealous for me. 

It's very hard to feel alone. Whether it's being one in a sea of people or one in an upstairs apartment to yourself. But to know that God is there, not based on His current volume but on the proof of Who He is and His faithfulness throughout time. That is where our faith is made what it's meant to be. Strong. In. The. LORD. He alone deserves my full attention and to He alone should I give it. I do not deny the struggles I faced in the long season of silence now that I have begun to hear again, simply because I could not hear His voice to direct me, but I do acknowledge His ever present help in time of need and His great provision during the unheard.  

I do believe He has proven Himself to become silent in our lives when we are enraptured in a sin that keeps us from seeking Him or understanding His Words. No doubt. That's not what this post is about though (Understandably, that could be the topic of another post at a later date). This post represents all those who have been frustrated with a lack of hearing because God simply wanted to bring them through a long season of silence that would cause them to seek Him with everything they have. Heart. Soul. Mind. Strength. I really think seeking God with all of these is what brings us to the point of loving Him with all of them too. When you want to hear God speak, and seek His will as if for treasure, you prepare your heart for the coming Word that could change your life forever.  

Let me say that again . . . 

When you want to hear God speak, and seek His will as if for treasure, you prepare your heart for the coming Word that could change your life forever.  

That season sucked. I'm just going to say it. It was miserable because God and my intimacy level was less than what it had been. But then again, the season I'm living in now is blessed because our intimacy is more than it ever would have been. Let me say it this way . . .  

I've already lived through winter this year. Spring is hypothetically here and I'm so very thankful.  

He was jealous for me. My attention. My allegiance. My love. The abandonment of "me." If any of this comes off as arrogance of any kind, be sure to know that I am aware of the fact that I don't deserve to hear His voice . . . ever. By His grace, the worth that His presence in my life gives, and the fact that He created me in His image, I am blessed to have ears that hear. As Autumn is underway, I consider this season a great privilege and I will count my blessings, naming them one by one, as I remember the season that God brought me through in effort to bring me close to Him :)  

It's okay to lament. That's another small part of what my two friends and I have been learning. This fact is Scriptural. Authenticity of emotion is a Biblical practice. Can it be abused? Absolutely. We have a responsibility as believers in Christ to be an example of an eternal hope! With that said, we are real. We are real people and sometimes we have seasons of sorrow that need to be expressed. To each other? Yes, I believe so. It's part of building real community. To God? Absolutely. He can handle you. He wants you to lament when appropriate. He already knew you were going to. Ha! He's ready to listen . . . and when you are ready and in tune with the Spirit of God, prepared for His Words . . . He will speak. He will speak. 

Do you need to lament today to Your Savior? Do you need to cry out in desperation for Him?  

Do you need to seek out a fellow believer and ask for their support and prayer during a hard time? Yes, it may shock them (especially if you're not naturally the "lamenting type") but do it anyway. Be the body today, whether weak or strong. 

Do you know of someone who is in need of a moment of lament? Could you approach them in all humility and ask to be that shoulder they need to cry on? Are they hard and calloused and will make you feel silly for approaching them? Maybe. Do it anyway. Be the body today, whether weak or strong. 

Do you need to lament directly to your God in this moment? Get by yourself (If you're not already). I've been there, recently. I know this is hard. It may be uncomfortable at first if you're not used to being that vulnerable with your emotions but do it any way. He created you and all of your emotions. He can handle it. Throw it at Him. Be real. Talk to your Daddy, He's waiting to hold you in your distress. Be weak before Him and He will gladly be all the strength that you need.  

Lament. Seek. Find. Love. Listen. Act. Share.  

Whether weak or strong, may we be His "body" today. 


(Scripture in regards to hearing God speak, lamenting, and many other appropriate messages I needed to read when enduring my Winter season) 

Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. 

More . . .





Monday, October 10, 2011

"Family Time"




Some friends of mine started something called "Family Time" while we were trudging our way through college. This time was spent sharing what we were thankful for, however trivial or complex, over a meal together.   I miss Family Time. Family Time wasn't about the content of our conversation while we were seated, or even the endearing words that were often spoken to the group by even the toughest at the table. Family Time was special, at least in my opinion, because of the commitment we held in our hearts towards our relationships with one another and with our God.  


There was one Family Time that I remember being kind of thrown off by. One of our biggest and strongest, the one that usually gave something funny as an example of thanks on his turn, became teary-eyed as he shared the closeness that he felt towards those gathered around him in that moment. He opened his heart enough for us to glimpse a speck of vulnerability that I believe he only ever had shown to those he truly trusted. We were only college buddies. I mean, I have no idea at this point (post grad) where we will all end up in 10 years, or even 5 . . . But God did something special in our group. "Just college buddies" ended up being a 2nd family, often more honest than our first.  




I miss my Family Time but I've noticed something really amazing in the last few weeks that I have lived at home again, in my home-town, and with my first family . . . Community is often what you bring to the table. I really don't think my toughest friend that shared so openly before, would have ever done so without the example of a few of the more outwardly sensitive family members at previous Family Time events. I take that now as a lesson. My first family is blood. Most of the time, it's thicker than water. I like to think that Living Water can sometimes fill in the gap where sin has destroyed the blood. Or that maybe Christ's blood can trump any wandering soul, leaving an empty seat at the table. With that said though, I may have never experienced a community with my first family that felt as honest and spiritually tied as my second family to this point but I can now that I have lived the example of the last. 



 
My goal is community. Not just with my relatives but with my town. An effort to forget the past as needed and champion the future in retrospect of the unearthed and it's expected healing! It's time. It's time to be the change. Oh Gandhi. My new/old world has so many pleasant things in it already upon my arrival. I'm so happy here. I cannot begin to downgrade God's provision of blessing in this place. I'm living every day thankful that my first family has reached out in community to me and that they have room and love for me in their busy lives! I do, however, wish to bring to this familiar and yet so long long-distance table a refreshment of fellowship, a learned moment from the past few years . . . Family Time. A time to gather and be thankful with whomever God places around my table in His sovereignty. Family Time is really God's Time.  

FamilyTime, HisTime.


(The previous pics represent just a few of the people that I have shared Family Time with)

Mark 5:19  (Jesus said) . . ."Go home to your friends, and tell them what great things the Lord has done for you, and how He has had compassion on you.